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Making 2013 Different: Letting Go of Fear

14 Jan

Happy 2013, world! Yes, I know I’m a little behind the times, but at least it’s still January :)

Goodness, it’s been such a long time from writing, so let’s just jump right in! Although I apologize for my long absence, I can make no promises that I will update extremely frequently. Let’s face it, I’ve said it before and look how far we’ve come…or haven’t. How often do we make “promises” to ourselves or to others that we will definitely do something, but then don’t? We see someone from our past and put on a show that we’ll “call soon,”  or that “we’ll make plans” but then forget all about our encounter by the end of the day. Or we say we’re going to try something new, try to change, try to do something different,  but then something distracts us or we get discouraged and we just stop. I think we all have a tendency to do these sorts of things, don’t you?

So then the question becomes, why?

If you ask me (or Meredith Grey), I’d say a lot of it has to do with fear.

I know this is going to come as a surprise to many of you (sarcasm!), but I’m a shy person (mostly). Although I can be extremely outgoing, it takes me awhile to get to that point. Granted, I love people. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be in clinical psychology. But, I’m shy (or inhibited if you want to get clinically technical ;) Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I’m painstakingly shy. It would be way too hard to do some of the things I have to do if that were the case. But, nonetheless, this is what it is. In my past, I think there may have been times when I let my shyness get the best of me. I would pass up opportunities (concerning guys/opportunities at school/etc.) because I was afraid of…something. Now, I don’t think this is completely related to my being shy. Lots of people have fears of “something” who are extremely outgoing and far from being shy. But, what is this elusive “something” that I feared (and that I’m guessing many of you fear)? Fear of looking foolish or realizing that your expectations were much different than what actually was? Fear of the possibilities, being embarrassed, or being rejected?

I don’t know that there’s a hard and fast answer to this question…unfortunately. Maybe it differs from person to person, or from situation to situation. Maybe it’s something that we won’t ever be able to fully identify.

So, here’s the thing. At the beginning of this year, my friends from high school and I discussed what our new years resolutions were. Now, that’s a painstaking process. Because it’s easy to forget to follow New Years Resolutions, there were years when I figured, why bother? Why bother saying “This year will be different. This year, I will do x, y, and z,” when it was more often the case that my resolutions often didn’t last past January?

Well, this year I became inspired. This year, I decided things will be different. As I got the text from my friends about my resolutions, I  had to think about it for awhile. In May, I graduate with my master’s degree. In August, I hope to be starting a PhD program. A lot of things will be changing. I’ll be 24 this year and if I don’t get into a PhD program, I’ll be starting my real grown-up life (scary!) after graduation. I know 23 and 24 are young. People tell me that all the time. But, I feel like I’m at a point where I need to start thinking about my future and my career and being with someone I want to spend the rest of my life with and starting a family and all the craziness that goes along with that.

So you’re thinking, okay Jeannette get to the point. What does this have to do with your resolutions? Well, my faithful readers, I’ll tell you. It has everything to do with them.  After some thought, I responded to my friends the following: “Let go of my inhibition and don’t let it get in the way of accomplishing greatness!” Okay…so the last bit about greatness may have been a little bit dramatic, but you should get the point.

So often, we let this something, this fear, get in the way.

It doesn’t matter what it gets in the way of; it’s enough that our fears prevent us from taking action.

From speaking up about your ideas and values.

From telling someone how we feel about them and asking them out for coffee.

The point is, our fears (this “something”) can prevent us from, well…accomplishing greatness. Think about it for one second; if you let your fears rule your life, maybe you could be missing out on potentially finding your ideal job (because you’re too afraid to apply for the job), or from starting a relationship with someone who could become your potential spouse (because you’re too afraid of the rejection you may face by asking them out).

I guess the whole point of this is to not let your fears (whatever they may be) control your life. Don’t let them prevent you from taking action (whatever that may mean).

I can’t say for certain how the rest of the year will go, but for now, I’ve already started to make this year different. 

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Day in the Life: Student Affairs Professional Seeking a Job… Any Job.

14 Aug

Going on three months ago, I graduated (for the second time) as a proud alum of Youngstown State with a Masters of Science in Education, specializing in Student Affairs. I had chosen this field largely because of my extracurricular involvement as an undergrad and my interest in organizational politics. After five semesters of 14 hr days, often keeping me on campus till 11pm, hundreds of pages of papers, detailed projects, writing about my feelings, and a three and a half hour comprehensive written exam, I was qualified to cross the stage again, and this time, with a really fancy hood.

To be completely honest, the last three months of my life haven’t been particularly great. I won’t go into detail, but I’m still searching for my first post-college, adult job that requires one of my degrees. Yeah, it’s been frustrating, and I have been utilizing all the resources available to me. At times, its hard not to be discouraged, especially when its feels like the universe is rubbing it in my face that I don’t have the job yet. However, the family members, friends, and mentors I have reached out to have been nothing but supportive as my search continues. (Thanks, everybody!) A friend and former instructor put it to me this way: I may be perfect for a job, but the job just might not be perfect for me. I know I have a lot to offer any employer, and I would love to work at a college or university, helping students have the same kind of positive experience I was lucky enough to enjoy.

So, you may be wondering… what have I been doing to keep busy? Well, blogging here, to start. I won’t lie — it has been really nice to relax and do the things that I want to do on my own time. I wouldn’t trade my education for anything, but it didn’t leave a whole lot of time for activities. I’ve been catching up on TV via Netflix and Hulu Plus, getting out and walking, and reading the things that I want to read. The great thing about getting a degree, though, is that no matter what, no one can take that away. Regardless of what I’m doing, I’m still a Master of something, which is pretty neat to be able to say. I could tell you about all the things that I’ve been up to now that I’m a Master of Science (which is rather ironic for me, actually… I can’t science anything), but I thought it would be more interesting to show you….

Almost every morning, just like this. Since he’s a small dog, Toby actually makes for comfortable snuggling, unlike all those pictures out there of German Shepherds and Golden Retrievers pushing their person out of bed.

1. There are soooooooo many things on Pinterest…  2. That looks cool. Could I make that? 3. Nah, moving on.

Then I go on Pinterest for a while… a long, long while. There’s hot chocolate in that mug, I’ve never been a coffee drinker. I think I should try to get another degree in Pinning and Board Curation.

Toby has his own YSU leash. He majors in naps, with dual minors in lap-sitting and giving sad puppy face whenever you eat chicken.

If I’m at Brian’s, I’ll take advantage of the pool. Someday, I’ll have some semblance of a tan.

Gotta level up. I never really played video games when I was growing up. I was always too busy with school stuff and I didn’t find them that interesting anyway, so I have a lot of catching up to do.

1. Let’s see here.. what new positions are up?   2. Hmm… this one sounds pretty interesting…   3. Yeah, ok, I’ll apply for this one.   4. Ohmyglob, why are cover letters so exhausting?

This is pretty much how it is.

I’m not giving up just yet. I’m applying outside the world of academia to other jobs that suit me, and I’m considering selling some of my crafts online. (Let me know if you’re interested!) If things look up for me, I’ll let you know where I’ll be taking my talents through a LeBron James-style TV special. Check your local listings.

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25 Before 25

6 Aug

I keep seeing these # Before # lists pop up around the Internet.  I have mixed feelings about them.  On the one hand, no one really cares that you or I want to figure out how to French braid your or my hair before your dog’s half birthday next month.  On the other hand, sometimes lists like these provide an interesting window into a person’s priorities and interests.  Their staccato nature also fits well into our technologically overstimulated short attention spans.

My 25th birthday is this December.  That leaves me only a few months to do these things.  Given that deadline, I have not included any big ticket items that might go on a bucket list.  I am neither traveling, nor getting married, nor starting my own business, nor anything monumental whatsoever.  I am simply operating from a carpe diem point of view.  I want to make the 100+ days left of my 24th year count instead of squandering that time away on Facebook.

1. Don’t wear sweat pants or gym shorts in public.

2. Go to an outdoor movie.

3. Ride the Cuyahoga Valley National Park’s Towpath train.

4. Try a pumpkin spice latte from Starbucks.

5. Go on a real, decent length hike.

6. Trace my family lineage back to Europe.

7. Do the Tour de Donut.

8. Finish Invitation to a Beheading by Nabokov.

9. Finish El general en su laberinto by García Márquez.

10. Make soybean baklava.

11. Be extra punctual.

12. Make homemade jam.

13. Cut back on my use of Facebook.

14. Make homemade ice cream.

15. Bake Irish Car Bomb cupcakes.

16. Write (and finish!) a short story.

17. Obtain gainful, respectable employment.

18. Bake mocha cupcakes.

19. Do a fitness event.

20. Pick my own produce.

21. Watch The Motorcycle Diaries.

22. Read a book every month.

23. Carve a pumpkin.

24. (Possibly) Get my TEFL/TESOL certificate.

25. Recreate simit as I ate it in Turkey.

What are your short term goals?

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Channeling John Lennon: Ralph Rich is a Musician You Ought to Know

30 Apr

It’s no secret that we Dames like music. Pop, rock, classical, hip hop, and even some rap. We’ve also had our personal experiences with music. Abbie personally knows Red Wanting Blue, Jeannette has touched Josh Groban’s hand, and I wish I had touched Josh Groban’s hand…

Much of my high school experience was spent surrounded by music. Particularly, during long hours of choir and theater rehearsal where for weeks on end we would try to get the harmonies just right — to the point that we were sick of the songs, sick of each other, and physically sick. So not only do I love music, but I’m pretty skilled at discerning good music.

One of my new favorite artists is someone who I’ve known for nearly my whole life — even longer than I’ve known Jeannette (and I’ve known her since I was six.)

My new favorite artist is Ralph Rich.

A Northeast Ohio native (from Hubbard, a suburb of Youngstown), Ralph Rich has been involved in the local music scene for about 4 years, performing both as a solo artist and as a member of various bands including Krave, The Fuzzy Dice, and Super Cheef. He has played at multiple venues big and small including The Lemon Grove, Cedar’s, O’Donold’s, and Barley’s Pub in the Youngstown area, The Beachland Ballroom in Cleveland, Red Hook, New York, and Sadie Rene’s in Canton.

Rich, 24, began playing drums at age 4 and has played guitar since high school. He cites his main influences as The Beatles, John Lennon, Dashboard Confessional, and The Killers. Rich’s sound, however, also evokes the spirit of artists like The Goo Goo Dolls and John Mayer.

Rich has been writing music since high school, using personal experiences as inspiration, and his hard work is paying off. Looking forward to an eventual move to Los Angeles, Rich has just released his first EP. Comprised of original songs written by Rich over the last several years, the EP features six acoustic tracks that capture all of Rich’s influences.

The self-titled EP highlights all of Rich’s talents and his promise as an artist. My favorite tracks off the EP are “For You,” “Gia,” and “Leaving You Behind.”

“For You”: (Sample)

“Gia”: (Sample)

“Leaving You Behind”: (Sample)

Equally as fantastic, are the EP’s remaining 3 tracks, “I Want to Know,” “Think Back-Remember Me,” and “Heartbreaker.”

“I Want to Know”: (Sample)

“Think Back-Remember Me”: (Sample)

“Heartbreaker”: (Sample)

The CD version of Ralph Rich’s self-titled EP is available now directly from the artist. It will be available for digital download on iTunes and Amazon.com on June 1, 2012. It will also be available on Spotify on the same date.

Make sure you check out his Facebook Page here: Ralph Rich on Facebook.

Rich’s new EP is truly excellent and a representative of the talent housed here in Northeast Ohio.

Abbie may have Red Wanting Blue, but I’m looking forward to the day when I can say: “You know Ralph Rich? I knew him in Kindergarten…”

DISCLAIMER: All images and audio included in this post are the property of Ralph Rich.

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Fighting Imposter Syndrome and “Knowing Your Value”

29 Apr

As Abbie and Jeannette have stated in their posts this we Dames have been on a little bit of a hiatus. For myself, life has simply been unbelievably busy. I’m happy to report that my M.A. thesis is completely written and that I’ve passed my comprehensive exams. I still have to finish thesis revisions, but graduation is getting more and more tangible by the day.

I won’t lie, I have mixed feelings about graduating. I’m extremely happy to be moving on to something new, and I’m looking forward to exploring different job opportunities and just seeing what’s out there. Unfortunately, I will not be attending a Ph.D. program next year. I’m okay with this though. I’m a firm believer that things happen for a reason, and after going through the process of researching and writing a thesis, I’ve come to realize that I need a break. There are so many things I can do, there are so many ways to find happiness — and I can’t wait to find out what that might be.

I had some trouble getting my thesis started back in February. Unfortunately, when I write I have to start at the beginning. I can’t write the body of a paper first and then go back later and write the introduction. I have to write the intro first, even if it means completely re-writing it later. Once I did get going though, I wrote, edited, and re-wrote almost non-stop — to the point that I almost made myself crazy. I constantly second-guessed myself, stressing about every little detail, worrying that my readers would think I was a fraud, that my argument made no sense, that what I was saying was a bunch of crap. I’ve decided that I suffer from “Imposter Syndrome.”

Everyone has insecurities about a variety of things, but school has always been a major part of my life. I mean, let’s face it, I’ve been in school non-stop since age 3. That was 21 years ago. (God, I feel old — haha!) So, I forget sometimes that I’m not just a young student who has no authority. I have a Bachelor’s degree, I’m an adult, I have experience. I need to start remembering that and acting accordingly. Just because I’m still a student doesn’t mean that I don’t know things with relative certainty.

It’s the same idea with jobs. I’ve been looking around at different possibilities in between working on revisions. There are a lot of different jobs that I have the education, skills, and experience to do. But, I just need to remind myself that Ican do them. Yeah, they’re not “history” jobs — but that’s perfectly okay. They don’t need to be. I am not an imposter, in history or in terms of my other abilities. They’re not going to look at me immediately and say,  “You? Hahaha. We don’t think so.” I am not an imposter.

In addition to reminding myself that I am not an imposter, the process of writing my thesis also provided me with some insight on knowing my value. Even though I wrote almost non-stop for a month and a half, I didn’t write 24/7. In my downtime, I read a book called “Knowing Your Value: Women, Money, and Getting What You’re Worth” by Mika Brzezinski (co-host of Morning Joe with Joe Scarborough on MSNBC).

In her book, Mika Brzezinski discusses how she was re-hired at MSNBC in 2007 after losing her job at CBS. Grateful to have any job, Mika took what she could get — even if that meant only working a few hours a day for paltry pay and working the worst hours. A twist of fate resulted in Joe Scarborough singling her out as his desired co-host for a new morning show, but even with her new gig, she was still working on a host of other assignments for the network for far less pay than her Morning Joe co-workers. Upset with her unfair treatment and unequal (or, really in the same ballpark) pay, Mika when to her boss to ask for a raise. Her request was rejected.

This book, and my discussion of it, is not entirely about politics or the gender wage gap. Believe me, that gap is a real issue — but women’s consideration of their own value is equally as important in the equation. Mika, with the help of other famous friends, describes how many women (and some men too) lack the confidence of their own value in the workplace.

Instead of  asking for a raise in a confident manner,  Mika identifies that she went into the meeting with an apologetic tone — that she was sorry she had to ask, that she didn’t want to cause waves, that she understood money was tight and times were tough. She focused on the idea that she was so “lucky” to be on this program and to have a position at MSNBC — that she was grateful.

There’s nothing wrong with humility. But, at the same time, gratefulness isn’t confidence. Mika learned that she had to remember she deserved a raise. She deserved to be there. She was more than qualified for her job. She was valuable.

Here are some great quotes from the book:

“The problem is, a woman is socialized to accept that which she is given. So if somebody tells you that you can’t, you believe it. If somebody says you’re not worth it, you believe it.” - Suze Orman

“The key is to do your research. The most important thing that people don’t realize, especially women, is you can’t go in [to ask for a raise] expecting people to take care of you and that they’re going to be fair. They’re going to try to get the best deal they can.” - Lesley Jane Seymour, editor-in-chief of More

“Assuming power is everything. You have to assume it … [don't] wait to be asked.”  - Tina Brown, co-founder and editor-in-chief of The Daily Beast and editor-in-chief of Newsweek

“A lot of getting ahead in the workplace has to do with being willing to raise your hand. . . . If we as women don’t raise our hands in the workplace, we’re not going to get the same opportunities men do. Because men keep their hands up.”
- Sheryl Sandberg, COO of Facebook

Imposter Syndrome and not knowing your value go hand in hand. I myself am gulity of feeling lucky or grateful for simply being given the consideration for something. For downplaying my own achievements or my own intelligence to not stand out too much. Even to my own eyes and ears now, these statements sound a little arrogant. But they’re not. Everyone has strengths. Everyone has weaknesses. But we are all valuable in different ways.

Don’t let anyone tell you you’re not valuable. You are.

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I Have Met the 5k, and I Have Vanquished It.

20 Mar

This past Saturday, I completed my semi-short term goal of participating in a 5k. I’ve been training for it in earnest since the beginning of the year, taking in more miles on the ellipticals and on the track at the Rec Center than I ever had before. Once what snow we did have was gone and it was warm enough, I moved my training outside. A week before the event, I had my mom drop me off at the starting point so I could walk it on my own. Finally, after weeks of walking and jogging,  it was St. Patrick’s Day — 5k day. The Campbell-Dickinson St. Patrick’s Day 5k Run/Walk is a fundraiser for the Trinity Foundation’s Trinity Emergency Assistance Relief Fund, which helps provide financial support for cancer patients and their families. It is named for cancer survivor Jenny Russlee-Dickinson, a teacher in Toronto, and the late attorney William “Pat” Campbell. Through St. Baldrick’s Foundation, a charity helping children with cancer, people could donate $10 to have their heads shaved in front of everyone. Nearly everyone was out in their greens, or wearing the leprechaun shirt you got if you registered by a certain date. (Oh darn, a “free” t-shirt that I didn’t get… shoot.) I, however, as an Irish Protestant, was rocking the orange, making me stand out in a sea of green and white.

I look like the leprechaun compared to that guy behind me... (Photo via Facebook, TEMS Joint Ambulance District)

I walked with my best friend, Kara, who was registered with Team Hospice of the Valley (the people in blue). According to an email sent out by the group organizing the event, 819 people were registered to participate. After the runners took off at 11:30am, everyone else lined up almost around the block to start the walk. I was a little disappointed we didn’t get the starting gunshot for our part; they must have used their one blank for the runners… People were lined up on the sidewalk cheering on all of the participants, and as we headed north through town, others were on their front porches cheering for us. One little girl stood at the edge of her porch giving everyone a thumbs up as we passed by, so I turned around and returned the gesture.

My boyfriend came down the night before to support me, which was pretty awesome of him. In the week prior to the event, my sister would tell me all the things she was going to do as I walked by our house on the route, including booing me (out of sweet, sisterly love), throwing confetti over me, giving me the Gatorade shower, and holding signs with slightly questionable inspirational messages. I’m glad she opted for signs. When I passed my house, these are what she and Brian were holding:

Actually, this is true. By 4 days. I guess a lot of people got a kick out of this sign.

Hey, Dad's forehead, where did you come from? Also, don't mind our sad fence garden. The flowers should be in soon.

Can I be honest, though? 3.1 miles seems like a lot longer than it actually is. Maybe it was the turn-around point, or maybe it was because I’ve driven the route so many times… I’m not sure. And it’s definitely different from walking a track or running the same distance on an elliptical. I came in at 1:02:38, which is about what I expected for a 3-ish mile walk (I’ve got short little legs, remember?), but it was still shorter than the times of some people who chose to run it. Maybe next year. As I rounded the corner to go back to the main staging area, I saw my mom, sister, and boyfriend walking towards me to congratulate me. I was informed that I could use a shower, but they still took me to McDonalds for me to indulge in a large Coke and fries. I didn’t give either of those things up for Lent, but the day I inexplicably went on a Coca-Cola hiatus just happened to coincide with Ash Wednesday. I’m very glad that I challenged myself with this 5k. Giving up excuses for Lent really helped me prepare for this, and blogging about my goal probably helped, too. Thank you all for your encouragement, tips, and suggestions along the way. So what’s next for me? I don’t quite know yet. Let me graduate in May with my Master’s degree and we’ll go from there. But, it’s very likely that I’ll be accumulating more race bibs in the future!

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Tramps Like Us, Baby, We Were Born to Run…

14 Mar

Have you ever had to participate in one of those group ice-breaking activities? You know, where they ask you some random thing about yourself and you usually have to stand there for a minute or two and say “um” multiple times? Like, “if you were a cartoon character, who would you be?” (A mix between Lisa Simpson and Leila from Futurama, obvs.) Or, “Give us a motion to associate with your name,” to which I respond by recreating Olive’s Super Freak routine, move for move:

However, if I’m ever asked what animal I would be, I’m going to respond “bumblebee.” We’ve all heard that very scientific fact that the bumblebee should not be capable of flying because of it’s awkward body and tiny, fragile little wings, but it does.  In that sense, my friends, I am like the noble bumblebee. I’d like to think that my little legs get me where I need to go. Perhaps not very quickly, but I get there. So, this is probably why I surprised myself a little bit when I decided that I would participate in the 2nd Annual Campbell-Dickinson St. Patrick’s Day 5k Run/Walk in my hometown. I’m sure a lot of other people never expected me to want to participate in such an event, either. I chose this as a short-term goal for myself towards the end of last year. But, I actually really enjoy working out, when I can get to it, of course; it’s just that walking/running is perhaps on the bottom of my list of enjoyable workouts, which looks like this:

1. Zumba      2. Lifting      3. Running/Walking

 I just find it boring, especially if you’re on a treadmill or just walking around a track multiple times. You’re not really getting anywhere. I do enjoy using the ellipticals at the Rec Center, but I have a hard time finding one that’s parked below a TV with a channel I like. Most of the time, I end up on the machines closest to the TV showing CNN or VH1. I need something to motivate me when I work out, which is why good music is an absolute must. Zumba obviously has fun, energizing music to dance to, although I do appreciate it when there are Top 40 songs mixed in with raggaeton, salsa, and cumbia. It makes it easier for me to do the arm workout or squat songs at home. When I lift, I prefer something with a slower, heavier beat, that puts me in a kind of, let’s say… overly self-assured attitude. That should explain why Kanye West shows up a couple of times on my lifting playlist. Actually, looking at a small sample of it, a lot of it is rap, I guess:

1. Let Me Blow Ya Mind – Eve w/ Gwen Stefani
2. God’s Gonna Cut You Down – Johnny Cash
3. Amazing – Kanye West
4. Black & Yellow – Wiz Khalifa
5. Can’t Tell Me Nothing – Kanye West

Johnny Cash? Where did you come from? Whatever, that song is hard. Anyway, I’m walking in this 5k on Saturday, and I need to update my playlist. I’ve already taken out the songs I skip most of the time whenever I work out, and this is what I have left:

  1. American Girl – Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers
  2. Bad Romance – Lady Gaga
  3. Born to Run – Bruce Springsteen & the E Street Band
  4. Born This Way – Lady Gaga
  5. Devil’s Dance Floor – Flogging Molly (It is St. Patrick’s Day, after all.)
  6. Dog Days Are Over – Florence & the Machine
  7. Everybody Needs Somebody To Love – The Blues Brothers
  8. Fat Bottomed Girls – Queen
  9. Get Me Bodied – Beyonce
  10. (I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction – The Rolling Stones
  11. Just the Way You Are – Bruno Mars
  12. Kissing the Lipless – The Shins
  13. Let It Rock – Kevin Rudolf w/ Lil’ Wayne
  14. Please Don’t Stop the Music – Rihanna
  15. Proud Mary – Tina Turner
  16. Rebel, Rebel – David Bowie
  17. Rebels of the Sacred Heart – Flogging Molly
  18. Renegade – Styx
  19. Sabotage – The Beastie Boys
  20. Seven Nation Army – The White Stripes
  21. Single Ladies – Beyonce
  22. Teenage Dream – Katy Perry
  23. Tighten Up – The Black Keys
  24. U.S. Bumper Sticker – Red Wanting Blue
  25. Under Pressure – David Bowie & Queen
  26. What’s Left of the Flag – Flogging Molly
  27. You’re the First, the Last, My Everything – Barry White

But, I need your input. I’d like to have a few more songs on this list in case I don’t want to hear one of these. My only stipulation: absolutely no country music.

So, what would you suggest I listen to while I participate in the 5k this weekend? For those of you who have run/walked a 5k before, any hints or tips? I’ll check back in sometime next week and let you all know how it went. Thanks!

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“You don’t choose a life. You live one.”

13 Mar

I’m on Spring Break this week and, boy, has Spring made itself known today. The weather here in Northeast Ohio is beautiful, with the temperature forecast to hover near 70 degrees for the next week. This afternoon, after doing some writing this morning and spending a little time out in the sunshine, I decided to watch my latest movie from Netflix. I’m trying to be better about actually watching the movies soon after they arrive and then sending them back. I tend to let movies languish, and my list of movies isn’t growing any shorter.

I’d been looking forward to this movie though, so it wasn’t too hard to watch it.

The film in question is The Way, written and directed by Emilio Estevez and starring Emilio’s father, Martin Sheen. I  love both Martin Sheen and Emilio Estevez, the former from his days playing President Josiah Bartlet on The West Wing and the latter from the other movie he wrote and directed, Bobby.

The Way tells the story of Thomas Avery, a California ophthalmologist, who travels to France to retrieve his son Daniel’s remains after Daniel is killed during a storm while walking the Camino de Santiago. The Camino, also known as the Way of St. James, is an 800+ kilometer pilgrimage route from the French-Spanish border, through the Pyrenees Mountains and the northern Spanish countryside, to the city of Santiago and its Cathedral of Santiago de Compostela where the remains of the apostle St. James are (reportedly) housed.

Thousands of pilgrims have traveled this route for more than a thousand years, to find God, to find themselves, to find enlightenment, to see nature, to experience life. Thomas Avery doesn’t agree with his son Daniel’s choices, scolding that not everyone has the “luxury of just leaving it all behind,” but he loves his son greatly, despite their differences. After arriving in France and claiming Daniel’s body, Thomas, having no intention of staying, decides to walk the Camino and spread Daniel’s ashes as he goes.

His journey is deeply personal, but also communal as he shares experiences and his grief with other pilgrims walking the Camino. Thomas completes the Camino, both for himself and for his son Daniel, arriving at the Cathedral in Santiago to experience the daily Pilgrim’s Mass (a true sight to see). The Way has changed him, like it changes all of his companions.

I really liked the movie, but it may not be for everyone. It’s slow moving at times, very introspective with brief moments of comedy. But, it’s not about the movie’s pace, it’s about the overall meaning.

We’re all searching for something. Faith, answers, guidance, beauty, fresh air, history. We all go on journeys too. Maybe not walking the Camino or even going on a long trip, but we all take voyages – through nature, books, art, music, etc. Our purpose when embarking on that journey is hardly ever the same as we learn it was when the journey is over — we always learn something different or more than we expect.

But that’s okay.

That’s the point of the trip.

Where have you journeyed? Where do you want to journey to?

What do you think you’ll find along the way?

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Caution: Uninspired and Brick Wall Ahead!

6 Feb

Today I hit a brick wall.

Okay, not literally.

I didn’t physically hit a brick wall, but it’s all the same.

Even though we are only four weeks into the semester and classes aren’t too busy yet, I feel uninspired. I feel overworked. I feel overwhelmed. I feel like there’s so much to do that I just can’t do anything. I feel like I lack motivation to do what needs to get done (that’s not really true) and I feel like I just can’t get jumpstarted.

Unfortunately, I have a tendency to shut-down when I find myself in situations like this. I become frustrated with everything I need to do and with people and I become so preoccupied with thinking about working that I often forget to actually do the work (this also isn’t exactly true). Fortunately, I always find the inspiration to complete my tasks and to complete them well, but it’s that interim period that’s really challenging.

These next few weeks are going to be frighteningly hectic. Ah, the joys of being a graduate student! Between a fellowship application, two ethics committee proposals, a literature review, a submission deadline for a conference, and a data set proposal (not to mention thesis work…and my classes), there’s a whole lot that needs to get done in a relatively short period of time.

This is my brick wall.

A few weeks ago, I wrote a post about finding inspiration and I suggested you watch Randy Pausch’s Last Lecture (Did you do it?! If not-do it now. I insist…seriously). Regardless, in his talk, he discussed the notion of brick walls as such:

“The brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls are not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something. Because the brick walls are there to stop the people who don’t want it badly enough. They’re there to stop the other people.”

I think that sometimes we get to a point where we’ve hit our brick wall and we think, I can’t do this. There’s no way I can overcome this hurdle or obstacle. It’s simply not worth it. Sometimes we let the brick wall get the best of us and we give up. We see them as standing in our way and preventing us from accomplishing something that could be really great. But we shouldn’t. The brick walls are not there to prevent us from achieving a certain task. They are there for everyone else. They are there to stop the people who don’t want it as badly as we do. They are there for the people who will not push through and who will throw in the towel. They’re just there to really show us how much we want something and how much we’re willing to fight for something we believe in.

So, even though my inspiration levels are still low and I’m lacking in motivation, I realize that these next few weeks are not there to prevent me from achieving something great. They are there to show me how badly I really want these things. They are there to push my limits and test my abilities in new and exciting (eh…) ways. They’re just there to keep others out.

 

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Maybe I should just get rid of the bar…

21 Jan

I’m not really good at setting New Years Resolutions. Over the past few years, I’ve thought of various things that I’ve wanted to give up or change about myself, but to no avail. Like many of you (and I hope it’s not just me), my goals are long forgotten within the first few weeks of the new year. I’d move on to more important things like starting classes again, catching up with family and friends, and spending far too much time watching the season premieres of various television shows. During the time period in which I did set goals for myself, they would be to a relatively high standard (for me) that would drastically change the lifestyle I had been living. Sometimes, they were unrealistic and often left me feeling upset and disappointed in myself because I didn’t accomplish what I had set out to do.

Don’t get me wrong-I am a very competitive individual and hold myself to a high standard. Fortunately (or unfortunately in some cases), I expect a lot out of myself (and sometimes others) and get really frustrated when my expectations aren’t met. It’s probably one of the reasons (at least at an unconscious level) that I stop setting goals at the beginning of each year.

While I was home for break, I had the pleasure of spending a considerable amount of time with many of my high school friends. Despite the years, distance, arguments, and lack of conversations at times, many of us have managed to stay close! Without fail, I can guarantee that I am going to see them and do something silly with them whenever I am home (or whenever other friends come home). One evening, I was at my friend’s apartment and we had a conversation that I’ve been thinking about since that time.

It was shortly after the new year and I believe we were talking about setting resolutions. At the time, I had been thinking about setting a specific goal for myself for the new year, but was worried that I would fall short of my desired outcome. Telling my friend this, she explained to me the difference between high-jump goals and long-jump goals. Despite my experience in the field of psychology in which we discuss such things, this topic was unfamiliar to me.

High-jump goals have a specific bar you have to jump over (like in track). If you don’t make it over the bar, you fail. For example, someone may start off the year by saying that they want to lose 15 pounds by the end of February. If they do in fact lose these 15 pounds, hooray! However, if they don’t lose them all (even if they’ve lost 14 pounds), they haven’t accomplished their goal and are often left feeling disappointed.

Long-jump goals are different than high-jump goals because they are more lenient in their presentation. With a long-jump goal, there is not a specific standard you have to meet (or bar you have to jump over). Your goal may be that in the first two months of the year, you want to lose weight. Regardless of how much weight you lose after those two months, you’ve accomplished your goal. With long-jump goals, you aren’t left feeling disappointed in the same way that you would be with a high-jump goal.

After this conversation (and reading up on this topic a little more), I realized that many of the New Year’s Resolutions I had been setting had been high-jump goals that often left me feeling disappointed if I didn’t accomplished exactly what I had set out to do (even if I was really close). I think many of us have a tendency to make high-jump goals for ourselves and when our expectations aren’t met, we become discouraged and don’t try anymore. However, by changing our frame of mind and the way in which we make goals, we can accomplish things that we might not have tried if we kept giving ourselves a bar to jump over.

So, I decided to take that conversation and apply it to my own life. This year, I’m not going to have a set goal that I need to meet. I’m just going to work on some long-jump goals. One goal is to be healthier. So far, so good. My fridge consists of mostly fruits and vegetables, my freezer is stocked full of frozen vegetables, and my friend and I bought gym memberships at our school on Wednesday. (We’ve already gone 3 times. Side note: Spinning is intense. Yoga is fun…ish).

Now, let’s not kid ourselves. Some things lend themselves better to high-jump goals. YThere are certainly times in which a high-jump goal is necessary. For example, at this time next year I should be done applying to PhD programs with the (high-jump) goal of getting in. If that doesn’t happen, I will be devastated…and you will have to hear about :) (Umm…hopefully that doesn’t happen, though)!

So, how are your resolutions going? If you’re struggling, just get rid of the bar :)

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